Instructions accompanying the track
"The Chrome Plated Megaphone of Destiny"
from We're Only in it For the Money
Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention, 1967

1. If you have already worked your way through In the Penal Colony by Franz Kafka, skip instructions No. 2. No. 3. No. 4.

2. Everybody else; go dig up a book of short stories called In the Penal Colony.

3. DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS PIECE UNTIL YOU HAVE READ THE STORY.

4. After you have read the story, put away the book and turn on the record player ... 
it is now safe to listen (DO NOT READ AND LISTEN AT THE SAME TIME).

5. As you listen, think of the concentration camps in California constructed during World War II
 to house potentially dangerous oriental citizens... the same camps which many say [are now] 
 readied for use as part of the FINAL SOLUTION to the NONCONFORMIST (hippy) PROBLEM today. 
 You might allow yourself (regardless of the length of your hair or how you feel about greedy wars and paid assassins) 
 to imagine YOU ARE A GUEST AT CAMP REAGAN. 
 You might imagine you have been invited to try out a wonderful new RECREATIONAL DEVICE 
 (designed by Human Factors Engineering Lab as a method of relieving tension and pent-up hostilities 
 among the members of the CAMP STAFF ... a thankless job which gives little or no ego gratification ... 
 even for the chief warden).

6. At the end of the piece, the name of your CRIME WILL BE CARVED ON YOUR BACK.